Birth Story: Tessa Nikole

Our third baby girl was born just over a year ago! Life with three little ones has been full and wonderful. And so I’m finally posting this. It isn't particularly well written, but I wrote it a year ago on January 10th (when I was in the thick of it with a newborn, so I should get bonus points for that) and it was fresh and my feelings and thoughts were raw. It probably deserves a follow-up reflection, we’ll see. Here’s the story of the less-than ideal birth experience, but blessed nonetheless, of our sweet Tessa.


Friday, January 5, 2018

I woke up to a message from my friend, Rachel. I had shared with her that I was feeling very stressed about what to do with the girls and the fact that they doctor expected the baby to come early. She was offering to come to Albania and help relieve my stress and care for Annaliese and Faith while we waited on our baby in Tirana. It was spontaneous and surprising and I was incredibly blessed. I had considered inducing labor to remove some question marks, but this offer made it an actual possibility in my mind. I started to do some things around the house to prepare for the possibility. Rachel and I talked at about four in the afternoon and I messaged my doctor about induction as an option, but she did not reply. I was about 75% sure that this should be our plan whether Rachel was able to come or not, relying on Daniela and Nertila to keep the girls in Korca. 

While talking with my mom, around 5, I began having some contractions. By 6, they seemed somewhat regular and I laid down to track them. They were consistently, 5:1:1 and I was so frustrated. I did not want this to be happening. I was not even packed. I had been overwhelmed by the uncertainty and the idea of packing for five for an undetermined amount of time away from home. So I procrastinated. Luckily, I had made a list. Kenny was at the church meeting in Drenove and I messaged him after tracking an hour of contractions, “Having regular contractions.” He got home just after 7:00 and started packing for both the possibilty of birth in Tirana and in Korça. I mostly laid on the couch, avoiding moving too much would speed things and I really wanted to go to Tirana. Kenny arranged for the girls to spend the night with Lorenc and Daniela. While he took the girls, I took a shower, knowing that there may not be a possibility for a while. 

I called Dr. Maxi to see if ww should go to his private office or to the maternity hospital and he replied that he was in Tirana until the next morning and I should go directly to the hospital. 

Arrived at the maternity hospital, not super excited.

We arrived at the maternity hospital just before 8:30 and went up to the second floor where we explained our situation. The on call doctor and two nurses examined me and I was told that I was dilated five centimeters. The doctor intended to break my water and rush things along, but I stopped him. I asked for some privacy to talk with Kenny. I was overwhelmed and broke down crying. The cultural differences, in my sensitive state, were blatant, and I felt the nurses and doctor were quite rude. There are endless stories of corrupton, manipulation, and selfishness and I did not trust these strangers. We thanked them and left. 

As we left for Tirana, I called Dr. Ermira in Tirana, whom I had visited once. She was very concerned an urged me to stay in Korça, that a three hour drive to Tirana was too much. I told her I would keep her updated and I tried to calm down and continued to track the frequency of my contractions. They were getting closer, three and four minutes apart. We decided to turn around about 25 minutes down the road. Emotional, and afraid that I had offended the doctor and nurses, and feeling completely misunderstood, I reached out for help. I wanted an Albanian friend with me to help mediate cultural differences. I called Stela and she sent her husband to help in any way he could with talking to the doctor. Then I called Elsida and she and Urtan came to help. It was just before 10:00 when we settled into the labor room.

Settled in to the labor room, already exhausted emotionally and physically.

The labor room is fine. Everything is very old and outdated. The bed linens are tattered, the delivery bed is the most uncomfortable, people are allowed in an out, the two bathrooms on the floor are squatters, epidurals are certainly not an option. Things are probably clean, but probably not sterile. You bring almost all your own stuff. It’s a very different experience. One nurse, Anila, took my information and I got undressed to the dress I had worn, there are no gowns provided. I asked some questions of one nurse, Enkeleda, as she monitored the baby’s heart. I was trying to feel more comfortable and smooth things out if I had offended them. Elsida and Kenny stayed with me. 

I was checked again and had dilated further to seven, I think. I still refused to allow them to break my water, I was feeling so stressed and didn’t like their pushyness. By 11:30, I laid down to rest. The pain of the contractions was increasing, but I was too tired to get up and walk through them. Around 12:15 I got onto the delivery bed to be checked again and was further. They started to hook up an iv, but I insisted to know why. They do not explain things well and said it was to strengthen my muscles for delivery because this was my third child and I was weak. The doctor said the baby was struggling...which is an awful thing to say without explanation. I freaked out a little and Kenny looked it up and explained it and I relented. 

Saturday, Janurary 6

I believe shortly after that I began to transition. The nurse urged me to get down off the awful bed with a terrible stool that slid around. I squatted down for the next big contraction and then they rushed me back onto the bed. She said I needed to breathe deep and push the next pain. I think I pushed once and Kenny told me he could see her head. With the next push, she practically flew out and I think the nurse, Enkeleda delivered her. It was incredibly fast and I don’t think they were quite ready. We think it was about 12:40 am.

Tessa's first photo.

 

A look at the labor and delivery room.

Couldn't have done it without him by my side, translating, advocating, googling, and supporting.

Elsida was a comfort to me and I am so glad she stayed with me. She had intended to leave for the delivery, but she said it happened so fast! It was a unique opportunity for her to witness a birth because both of her babies were delivered by cesarean and she was put out. She cried when Tessa was born.

They put her on my chest, crying so sweetly. With sheets, they cleaned her up a little and cut the cord.  I would have liked to hold her longer, but they took her to check her and measure and dress her. Kenny went with the baby and Elsida stayed with me to help and translate where I needed it. Second language gets harder when you’ve just gone through labor and delivery. I asked the nurse later about skin to skin time and they said it was important, but it was not warm enough in January. While waiting, I delievered the placenta and was stitched for a small tear. They brought her back dressed in three layers. I started feeding her. She latched quickly! 

Elsida took all our things to the recovery room and made up the bed, then left to take care of her baby. We were left alone for an hour or so and decided to name our newest daighter Tessa. Around 2:15 we made our way to our room. I felt so thankful I was the only delivery that night and we had a room to ourselves where Kenny could stay. There are three beds in the small recovery room. We Facetimed parents to introduce Tessa and turned out the light by 3:00.

A dutiful  dad in the middle of the night, he is probably the only man to ever lay in one of these beds.

Tessa's first morning the cathedral bells rang to welcome her and to celebrate the Epiphany.

Kenny changed Tessa's first dirty diaper and we got to prepare to leave the hospital.

In the morning, a couple nurses came in, but care and communication was pretty minimal. I think they really just came in to see if we would give them money. The night shift left by 7:00. Someone brought in a hard boiled egg, a piece of bread and some cheese. The hospital guard came to the door an asked to speak with Kenny. Men staying in the birth hospital never happens, so he had to explain a little. The doctor, whose name was Ilir, super briefly came in and asked, “do you want to go home today? Ok, you can go.” No questions. Another mother, who had had a c-section, arrived with her entourage of people around 9:00. Nertila stopped in to visit. We had called and asked her if she could clean up our house a little before we returned. We had left such a mess. Kenny went home to rearrange some furniture and give Nertila the key. Elsida visited with soup and flowers. Stela and her family came with flowers. A nurse came in to check the baby, and said after she pooped we could leave. I asked Dr. Maxi to come in to ask some questions. It was so nice to talk with him. We prepared to leave, it took Kenny four trips with all the things we had to carry. We left at about 1:30. 

Ready to go! 13 hours old.

The happy birth shirpa.

A look at the mothers room.

Leaving the Shtepia Lindjes - the Birth House

 

Nertila was at our house when we arrived and she had done a great job with a big mess. We settled down and rested more. Lorenc and Daniela brought Annaliese and Faith around 6:15 and it was the sweetest. They brought supper also. 

Tessa meets her sisters and their best friends, Hannah and Simon.

Tessa opened her eyes and met her sistsers properly.

In love already.

Tessa's first day done and all three of our girls jammied and readied for bed.

A family of five!

Our friends Lorenc and Daniela continued to be enormous support, taking Annaliese to preschool every morning and taking Faith to play, returning them in the afternoon with a great lunch...for TEN days! Also, my friend Rachel, who had lived in Korca before and moved back to the States, bought plane tickets the morning that Tessa was born. She visited and encouraged me beyone words. All of my village women visited Tessa's first week in the Albanian tradition and welcomed our sweet girl. And soon after my mom arrived with her strength, experience, love, and mounds of gifts for everyone. She took care of everything for two entire weeks and loved her granddaughters to pieces.  

I had felt so dissappointed to have to deliver in Korça. It was such an uncertain experience. I was incredibly stressed an emotional. If ever I am faced with the decision again, I would still choose Tirana. But I cannot say I'd change a thing about this birth if I could, in hindsight, while not ideal, it was perfect. It was the best thing that could have happened for our family. I'm figuring out that my plans are seldom to never better than God's. It was far less complicated, it gave us the most time all together and was only a slight interuption in Annaliese's and Faith's routines, it was much less expensive (Free! v. $1000 ish to go to Tirana). Also, this gave me a cultural experience that few foreign women have that helps me relate with almost all the women I meet. Tessa's birth stretched my faith in God and in the Albanian people. 

And so we welcomed to life Tessa Nikole Haggard. Her name means "to harvest" and her middle name is the same as two of her aunts' middle names (Heather and Tiffany) with an Albanian spelling. She may or may not have been measured correctly, but it's what's in the books. And she is indeed perfect! 

Welcome Tessa!

Birth Story: Faith Josephine

We decided to stay in Albania for the birth of our second daughter for several reasons: high travel expense, our international insurance plan, less time away from our work, better understanding of language and culture, availability of good medical care, and feeling more confident parenting. In short, it was the best for our family at this time. While prepared to stay in Albania, I was not willing to stay in our city and deliver in the public birth hospital, so we travelled and stayed in the capital city, Tirana. 

We were there 16 days before the birth and five days after. We were incredibly blessed with a free place to stay that was a five minute drive from the private hospital where we would deliver. It was a comfortable apartment on one level of a large family home of a friend of ours that lives in Greece. His parents and brothers and their families, who lived on the other floors, were very kind and helpful and it was a great situation. When we arrived, my first doctor's appointment showed the baby in a very low position and 2 cm dilation and the doctor said not to go far, that we could have a baby any day. So we passed our waiting days mostly inside in the ac to escape the awful Tirana heat and we spent a lot of time playing with Annaliese and working on puzzles together. I know, we're kind of wild. We also went out walking at shopping centers and Annaliese got in several indoor play places. One day we took the gondola up the mountain for a beautiful view of Tirana. We went for walks in the evenings and went out for Chinese food and ice cream. It was a quiet, special time together as a family of only three. 

Finally the day came. On Monday, September 14, I woke early and got busy cleaning the house and preparing for our friend Nertila to come stay with us. She would keep Annaliese at baby-time. We had our normal morning otherwise, and got ready to go to the hospital for a 9:00 appointment. I felt no change and no pain and expected to have a conversation about inducing by Friday when my parents would arrive, if labor hadn't begun before then. Traffic was crazy, we assumed it was because it was the first day of school in Albania. We took a back road that we thought would miss traffic and instead got stuck in worse traffic and got rear-ended. We were all fine, thankfully! Our hitch did some damage to the other car and protected ours. Finally, we made it. We were staying a six minute walk from the hospital and it took us over half an hour to drive that day.

At the appointment, Dr. Anton said I was certainly dilated more than the last check two weeks before. I measured 3 to 4 cm and the ultrasound showed the baby incredibly low. He expected a very quick labor once it began and advised me to stay that day and induce labor instead of leaving and waiting for labor pains to begin and run the risk of a very chaotic labor and delivery. The traffic we experienced that morning was fresh in my mind and I didn't feel good about a road-side delivery in sight of the hospital. We decided that we would return for induction in the afternoon after Nertila had arrived. 

We returned home and I made sure I had everything ready, prepared some notes for taking care of Annaliese, did some research about induction methods, had lunch, and put Annaliese down for her nap. I explained that Daddy had gone to pick up Nertila and she would be there after she woke from naptime. I told Annaliese that it was really time for us to go to the hospital to have the baby now and after the baby was born she would come visit us there. She loves Nertila and was excited and went down for her nap super easily. I had some great quiet time to myself until Kenny returned from the bus station with Nertila. We gave her a quick run-through of things and headed off. 

As we pulled up and parked by the sign "urgjenca" we noticed how strange it seemed to go to the hospital with no labor pains, no urgency. It was polar opposite our first birth experience. We even stopped outside and took a final pregnancy photo. The time was 2:30. 

By 2:45 I was admitted to the room where we would deliver and by 3:30 I was hooked up to a heart and contraction monitor to assess the situation. The nurse checked and said I was dilated to six and I was absolutely shocked and amazed because I had had no pain. The doctor came in and saw that I was contracting every several minutes and we decided to check again after half an hour to see if that continued. We settled in and actually started playing cribbage. I played standing so I could stretch and move around to try and keep the contractions going. I began to feel the cramping coming and going, but it wasn't painful. The next check he asked if I would like the waters broken and said things would probably happen very quickly after that. I was a little shocked still because I had only begun feeling any pain at all and decided to wait and see what moving around more could do. We continued our card game with me moving and stretching. The contractions started coming every couple of minutes and started to really hurt - had to quit playing, which was unfortunate because I was doing great and was set to skunk Kenny. Doctor checked me again and because I wasn't particularly enjoying the contractions, I decided to have my water broken and really get things going. He broke my water at about 4:45. 

The contractions intensified and I got the greatest relief when I stood and leaned over the end of the bed and swung each foot. The next check i was at 7-8 and the doctor suggested I stay in the bed. I didn't really want to, but I didn't feel able to get up again because of the nearly constant pain. The nurses prepared the room for delivery. At 5:45 they said I should begin pushing, which confused me because I wasn't to 10 yet, but the doctor said because the baby was so low, pushing would bring the baby to crowning. The pushing phase was four-ish contraction rounds of three or four pushes. But to me it felt constant and I struggled. I held Kenny's hand on the right and a wonderful older nurse named Shpresa (Hope) was on my left. The doctor did an episiotomy and with a few last pushes our baby girl arrived at 6:10. She weighed 7.5 pounds and was 19 & 5/8ths inches.

I opened my eyes to our very purple baby with lots of dark hair on my chest and for a while felt nothing else. She gave a small cry and I bawled because it had hurt so much and it was over....relief. I was worried because she didn't cry much at all, but they assured me she was perfectly fine. They wiped her down and gave her back and I held her while they stitched me. That was not fun at all and seemingly took forever. They took her to weigh and clean her up and such and when she returned, we took our first try at nursing. We were moved into our recovery room around 8:00 and got busy announcing the arrival of Faith Josephine to family and friends. 

Faith didn't show much interest in nursing, only sleeping, and I was very stressed out and concerned. The hospital staff assured me it would be alright and she was fine for a while and there was no need to worry yet. Kenny tried to encourage me also. Finally Tuesday afternoon a nurse that seemed very determined to help us figure out nursing succeeded and we had our first real feeding at about 21 hours old and Faith hasn't looked back. She has mostly latched and fed well since. She doesn't cry much at all and seems to be a very content newborn. 

Nertila brought Annaliese for a visit on Tuesday morning. The timing was very unfortunate as the chief of the hospital happened to be visiting and checking things. Children under age four aren't actually allowed on the floor, but we snuck Annaliese in for a short visit before the chief stopped in. Annaliese was excited and immediately climbed up on a stool beside the cradle to see her sister up close. She said, "Baby awake!," baby's hat," "baby needs a diaper changed," "hold baby?" It was incredibly sweet. I held them together and Annaliese smiled happily and closely studied her little sister. I spent a few minutes outside in the waiting area with her and Nertila. Annaliese suddenly seemed so big and independent and so talkative. She was enjoying her time with Nertila and everything was ok - no reason for mommy-guilt! I had been so worried about having the baby before someone from Korca could arrive to keep Annaliese and her having to stay with someone unfamiliar. Every plan we tried to make had fallen through and I had had to surrender to trust in God's timing. I should know better and save myself the stress and surrender first! Nertila's arrival and the baby's arrival were at the perfect time and she was the perfect person to come and keep Annaliese. I'm so thankful she could! 

We were set to go home Wednesday afternoon, but since Annaliese seemed to be doing so well and the hospital stay had been excellent, we decided to go ahead and stay in the hospital the third night that is included in our pay package. When it's a busy baby season, the rooms are double, but there must have been a lull and we were able to have our own room. Had we been sharing, we'd probably been in a big hurry to leave. Kenny staying with me to help made for a precious three days focused completely on Faith. Her birth and first few days were a beautiful experience and we're immeasurably grateful for the gift of Faith Josephine. 

Annaliese: 7 months

Our baby girl is at seven and a half months now and I don't know how this happened. It's sort of hard to not begin her monthly updates without some sort of sentence expressing disbelief at how fast time is flying. It's the first thought that comes to mind as each monthly milestone comes. Gah...another month?! Slow down! 

Annaliese's sixth month of life was not the most fun we've ever had, but it also was. She was sick-ish a good part of it - head cold and low fever off and on for a couple weeks. And she went through a period known as "The Darkness" where she had dreadful mood swings and stopped sleeping through the night. We were spoiled with a babe that slept all night in her own bed from 6 weeks and when this second round of middle of the night cryings and feedings and wide awake wanting to play at 3 am came around we were not quite as enamored with it. Well, I wasn't. Her father is painstakenly even-keeled and took it all in stride, enjoying the reminder of those sweet early days. Sleep-deprived and edgy, it's a wonder Kenny survived month six. She's waking up a couple times a night still, but we're learning to cope better. Coping = co-sleeping, by the way. I never wanted it to come to this, but when you need sleep real bad, you do things the well-rested you wouldn't do. Praying that I'm not shooting our my new-parent self in the foot and just remembering what Kenny says to every "are we ruining her?" worry...she won't be doing this when she's a teenager. 

Annaliese started eating solids at six months. We had given her stuff a couple times before she reached six months, mostly because the nurses at her check-ups thought she should be gaining more. I bothered me a bit, but Annaliese is obviously a happy, healthy, and developing baby, so I decided to settle down. So at six months, according to the studies I am choosing to believe (there are tons and they all say different stuff) a baby's system can handle some solid foods, so we started introducing some more often. I have tried to give her something at least once a day, but sometimes it just doesn't happen...adjusting to solids is a whole lot crazier for me than Annaliese. She likes avocado, apple, banana, cereal, carrot, and butternut squash and varieties of these things mixed together.  I'm using wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com (Thanks Heather!) for a guideline and mixing baby-lead-weaning and DIY puréed foods. I offer foods in between her regular mommy-milk feedings. It's working out well and is usually lots of fun for everyone. 

I'll let you imagine the fun turn diapering has taken since introducing new foods. Yeah. I took a major break from cloth diapering because crazy busy-ness in December and January, then really unreliable electricity in February. We finally got back to it and I had to adjust her snaps - she's not thick around her waist, but she's gotten so long. She's barely wearing anything that says 3 months on the tag, it's almost all 6 month stuff, and some 9 month now and I really need to go through her dresser. 

As for other developments. Annaliese started sitting up at almost seven months and rolling about like crazy! She began grabbing anything and everything that she could get her hands on this months too. And anything she can get her hands on, she puts directly in her mouth. She's obsessed with zippers and tags and labels. She can be left to play on the floor on her blanket, but the couch is not so safe anymore, the ways she moves. She's more interested in books this month and she loves to hear singing. She really likes standing on the back of the couch and reaching for the things on the window sill. She does alright in the car, it often makes her sleepy. She is a bit harder to handle in church, not sleeping through the whole meeting anymore, but not too bad. She is always aware of where Kenny is and when she hears the keys in the door she always turns or perks up. She's certainly Daddy's girl. She laughs and smiles when she is thrown up or flown around. She's is so much fun! 

Visit from the Burmese - part 3

I just have lots of cute nephew photos to share. :) 

I enjoyed the everyday things we got to do together as much as, no, more than the tourist stuff. Every meal that Josiah scarfed and Judson took an hour to eat six bites. Bath times. Reading stories and playing cars. Annaliese watching the crazy action with so much curiosity. Bedtime routines. Killer Bunnies after the kids were down. Being sick (not.) Good conversation. 

That's it. Promise. Can't say enough how thankful we were for this visit! So encouraging, so comforting, we weren't a at all ready for it to end. Someday hopefully the Albanians get to visit Myanmar!